Office by Alex Penny
where i go?
Day 9 complete.
Beginning to think i’m a totally different person at night than in the morning. At least in the context of picking out a song and writing a post about it. All while attempting to make some connection between the song and meditation.
It just wouldn’t feel right to buy “Kaputt” in the fresh morning air after meditating. But right now, as I sit her in my office in the dark, sipping a beer, the day already dead and gone… well, its got dam perfect.
The self is totally ephemeral they say. A flickering illusion not even grounded to our body. Even our cells completely regenerate every 30 days or somethin. Then who or what is the person this Destroyer song makes me nostalgiac for? There was a time when my life wasn’t about much besides the party. Chasing the transcendent experience provided by a combination of music, drugs, and people gathered in strange places. One wasted day after another. It was epic. It was mind expanding. And eventually more and more empty.
I became familiar with the scene. Too familiar. I still go back sometimes, but its all different now. I’m different. I wish there was a more triumphant way to say jaded. But you can only look on the shiny expanse of possibility for so long before it becomes familiar. So you move on. Explore new territories. And find there’s no going back. Except…
Music. It brings me back. The notes and lyrics excite my neurons in some familiar way and i’m back to a memory of someone that never was and the chase is on again for another 6 or so minutes.
